How to refuel your marriage

 We have taken care of the spiritual and now its time to take care of the physical.

Note the wise saying; ‘Success in a relationship is more than finding the right person - it’s becoming the right person.’

FOR WOMEN:
The first thing you should do is take a whole new look at your boyfriend or husband - as if you are seeing him for the very first time! Perhaps you have a real tendency to focus mainly on your man's faults and shortcomings. Is this you?
   If this is the case, then you should try and remember all those wonderful/endearing/sweet/noble.... personality attributes that you fell for at the very beginning of the relationship! You'll definitely need to bring back those old positive feelings and memories. Also, if you’ve been too critical of your man, be certain to start generously complimenting him instead.
     Once you have done that, the next thing you need to be doing is make a change to the dull and expected daily routines. Even though these routines may be necessary, and may have become as 'comfortable as an old pair of old shoes' for the both of you, it's time to shake things up a bit (sometimes one partner will actually be secretly DYING to get out of this rut!)
Spice things up:
   Women far too easily drop the very things which won their husband's hearts, and are unconscious that the changes in their marriage (that they complain bitterly about) began in themselves!
   So, now is the time to plan for some new fun, romantic and exciting activities to do together as a connected couple. Even taking a weekend away for the two of you can work to spice up the relationship/marriage. 
  Step out of your comfort zone. Do something outrageous and sex for your spouse.Perhaps tonight you could also surprise your man by preparing an extra special meal for the both of you (a man loves to know that his woman cares enough about him to prepare a special meal for him.) 
   They say that 'romance in a relationship is the chord that makes the heart beat the strongest. And, without it, love can weaken and even disappear....' So, there MUST be romance, 'spices' and intimacy in the relationship or marriage - and you simply can't be pushing your man away! So many women do this pushing men away without even realizing it. Maybe you'll need to take some time thinking about how you’ve held your boyfriend or husband at bay, ultimately driving a wedge between you. Now make the vow to stop doing it! 

   Do you currently look good? Most men not only want their partners to be good on the inside, but want their lady to also look physically good on the outside (besides the sexual attraction that he'll naturally feel towards her.) And, a man knows that a woman who knows she looks good will feel confident within herself. And, naturally a woman who gives off an aura of confidence is very attractive, and is a woman who (to the man she's with) can be proud of!

Did you know that relationships and marriages don’t just exist on their own simply because two people happen to love each other? No! They need to be given attention - babied even.... They basically need to be nurtured - just as you would need to nurture a living plant. Neglect to nurture a relationship or marriage and it will wither and die just like a neglected plant! This level of care shouldn't be too difficult to achieve if you truly want to rekindle the sparks in your relationship.

When I mentioned that you should try and remember all those positive things about your man, what do you think would happen if you did that and thought about the way he is NOW? If you took a pen and paper and started to write down everything you actually think and feel about your man, and how you really felt about him when you both first met - and then write down in a separate list of what you think and feel NOW.... What would happen if you compared the two lists? And, if he's essentially the same man now as he was back then, what’s caused you to change your opinion of him?

Do you think with a little thought and effort, you could revert back to the original situation, to how you felt about your man at the beginning? Yes you can! It can if you concentrate on the positive and good attributes of your partner and do things to bring out your own positive attributes! You can also start to make yourself look more attractive (if need be) and more physically appealing for your man (and not keep him at bay ;-))

Keeping God in the middle: 

   You must also cultivate particular mental and spiritual traits which will not only give you an inner peace but a beautiful countenance. Spirituality can even give a woman's face a certain luster that comes from within. Personally, for me this spirituality means biblical womanhood and Christianity. A faith in God, will also help to sustain you and your beloved husband through all the trials and tribulations of life. Being prayerful, keeping you family in prayer always.

      Regard your marriage goals, and the fulfillment of them as something sacred and beautiful. Also, make one vow to yourself NOW, and don't ever forget it. Say to yourself; "In no other place on earth, shall my husband ever find a more cheerful face, a more loving welcome, a more passionate woman, or a more restful atmosphere, than he finds in his home with ME."  

Praising your mate:  

    Think about often, and speak frequently to your husband of his good qualities, as well as all the other things that you most admire in him. Sincere praise is like music to a man’s ears. Ignore, or simply make light of his small imperfections and failings. When you must criticize a serious fault, don’t dwell on it.

  Also, a woman who knows how to praise a man more readily than she knows how to criticize him, who has the tact and skill to adapt herself to his moods, and finds amusement in his occasional whims, can actually lead him away from his 'little indulgences' without even his knowledge. Such smart and feminine women are the real reformers of men!

Avoid Insecurities:  Be confident in who you and your mate.   Avoid giving your husband the impression that you expect a detailed account of every single moment he spends away from you. Convince him that you believe in his loyalty, and that you have no desire to control or influence his actions in any matters which don’t conflict with his self-respect and your pride. 

Avoid talking bad about your spouse:  don’t ever discuss his weaknesses with others either. I have known women who practically meet in conclaves, and then dissect their men for a whole afternoon! And, some women even seem anxious to pose as the most neglected and unappreciated woman of the entire group. 

Take care of your man: Take a genuine interest in your husband's career or business, and sympathize with the daily anxieties which may worry him. You can try to distract his mind with pleasant conversation or physical intimacy when you find him worrying and stressed.  

    Smell good, adorn yourself with sweet smelling fragrances , cook a nice meal he loves. The only way to a man's love is through his stomach. Learn to cook the dishes he love and NOT WHAT YOU LOVE. Men love dishes that have been prepared by their mothers.  You might not cook like his mother but cooking such dish often will win his heart. There is nothing wrong in asking those who are experts in cooking such dishes. And it will prevent him from eating somewhere else (especially at houses of his friends who know how to prepare his favorite meals/ even worse his Momma) and he would always look forward to eating at home and be proud in inviting guests to come over for dinner.  And its okay to cook varieties.

    The feminine wife keeps her heart full of love, her body willing for love, her mind clear of distrust, and her lips free from faultfinding. And, her husband keeps falling in love with her over and over again.... 

Avoid Nagging: I know its hard but when a man walks in the door. Give him time to himself for an hour at least.  Show him some love and give him some good food. Then talk after he is done eating and relaxing. It woks wonders for me! One thing every good woman knows is, if you want something done right, do it yourself. The next time you feel the need to nag, ask yourself, “Is this really that big a deal? Can I get this done myself?” Your best bet may be to just remember, "I’m a woman. Of course I can.”

Never expect your mate to read your mind: I always thought they could understand just by my expression but they cannot. So please communicate and let him be aware of how you  feel or your expectations of him. He says, 'What's wrong?" You say, 'Nothing.' This dialog continues for three to five question answer rounds until he says 'Ok.' and walks away. You sit and silently seethe for another half hour to forty-five minutes until you can't take it anymore and become enraged that he did know something was really wrong with you. Ladies, please, there is no such thing as a mind reader. You can't read his mind, so don’t expect him to be able to read yours. He only knows what you say, and if you don't say anything, then what does he know? Exactly. Nothing. Next time he asks, just tell him. Save both you and him a whole lot of frustration

Holding on to the past: You can never go forward looking at your rear view mirror.  That is why its in the past - let it go! Bringing up past mistakes, arguments or issues is not only childish, but will more than likely, produce a lapse in communication between the two of you.  

Withhold: Never withold anything from you mate especially sex. He would find it elsewhere. Avoid witholding emotions because it would one day explode.ou refuse him constantly. You, again, have every right to not want to have sex, but come on. Nobody has an eternal headache. You continue to say no and someone else will say yes. He knows this and sooner or later he will act on it. Don't think for one second that it has never entered his mind.

Ladies no man has to put up with these behaviors and they eventually figure that out. You want to keep him? Then keep him satisfied. Don't forget that you have a lot to do with whether or not your marriage survives. You may have a ring and a piece of paper, but it's still his choice to stay with you. Put in the effort. You don't have to perfect, nobody is, but you shouldn't become a crazy psycho wife who drives her husband away either. Would you tolerate the things on this list? Ask yourself that the next time you find yourself exhibiting one of them.

Prepare yourself; Take 30 minutes to relax so you'll be refreshed when your husband arrives. This will also make you happy to see him instead of too tired to care. Turn off the worry and be glad to be alive - and grateful for the man who's going to walk in! Check your appearance. Touch up your makeup, apply a quick dab of perfume, put your hair into a simple yet alluring style and look fresh! Your man has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be cheerful and a little more interesting ;-) His boring day may need a lift.

Clear away the clutter; Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc, in a bucket or wastebasket and put them in the back bedroom for sorting later. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he's reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Having the house in order is another way of letting him know that you care and have planned for your man's home coming.

Prepare the children; Take just a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces and comb their hair, and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he'd like to see them look the part.

Be happy to see him; Greet him with a warm smile and act glad to see him. Tell him that it's good to have him home. This may make his day worthwhile. If there's any romance left in you, he needs it now.

Make your man comfortable; Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Don’t insist on this however. Turn on music if it's one of his pleasures. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant feminine voice. Allow him to relax-to unwind.Listen to him;
You may have a dozen things to tell him, but this moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, then he'll be a more responsive listener later.Make the evening his;
Never complain if he doesn't take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and to relax. If he's moody or irritable, never fight back. Again, try to understand his world of strain.The goal;
Try to make your home a haven of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body, mind and spirit. He'll rather be with YOU than anyone else in the world and will spend whatever time he can possibly spare with you. Try living all of these rules for your man's homecoming and see what happens. This is the way to bring a husband willingly home to your side - not by pressure, persuasion or obligation!

Checkup:   I would suggest doing a monthly review to assess relationship, finances, health, spiritual growth  and future goals. My husband and I do it! And I have to say to really jelps to keep us focused. Most couples barely take time to talk about how their marriage and other areas are going.

For Men

1.Learn to treat your mate as a queen. Most time men are so engaged in finances and providing for their household. They forget their woman needs care too. I just spoke with a divorced man - "If you don't mind me asking, why did you separate from your wife." I said.  "Well I was working 12 hrs a day and came home to a nagging wife who wouldn't spare me 10 minutes to myself." he said. Working 12 hrs a day can be tiring, but do you know how it is taking care of kids, household and a husband. Ask yourself, Is it worth losing my happiness to money? Certainly not. God said to work and not being lazy but never to overwork ourselves. Take the trash out, spoil her a little, think of the positive things you love about her.

2. Its okay to show some emotions: Men are told not to cry or show their feelings, but you know what expressing your emotions shows how connected you are to your mate.  Find out what increases that spark in your mate. Tell how how much you love her, send her a text, leave a sticky note on the bathroom mirror, give her a kiss before you leave the house, get her some flowers, get a sitter and suprise her  "just because."   It amazes me how in the beginning of a relationship guys would do anything and then after marriage it suddenly trickles down.  Tell her how much you love and cherish her - P.S We never get tired of hearing that.

3. Learn to tell the truth: Sometimes men lie to keep the relationship. How many men can tell their mates - a girl tried  to hit on them, or being attracted to someone else - Being tempted will occur -- yielding to it is stupid, if you are struggling with any temptation, please let your mate know.  feel relationship dwindling down, be honest about their finances or behind on payments. You need to tell your wife the truth especially to matters of the heart and especially with finances.

4. Being Friends: Your wife should be your best friend, before your BFF/male friend.  And intimate things talked about should be kept within the walls of  your home. If you both decide t share it, then should be with a trusted friend.  A husband and wife should aim to be such good friends that a gentle criticism will usually be accepted as evidence of mutual love – for true love will always desire the highest attainments. .

5.  Never talk bad openly about your wife: Never tell others how bad your mate is. How would you feel if your wife hears you have been telling others she is dirty, doesn't clean, cannot cook, nags and not fulfilling your sexual desires.  It hurts. Let your spouse know how you feel and work things out. 

6.  Being a confident man:  God created the man to be in charge and women love men who are in charge. You might not be rich but being hardworking is attractive and knowing that such a man can bring home the bacon.  You certainly cannot dictate every move she makes but trust your spouse and she will trust you also. You should definitely try to work within respectable levels when it comes to control. Whether it's your heavy-handed decision-making or a demanding attitude -- women don't like controlling men and a controlling guy reeks of insecurity.

 7. Avoiding control of in-laws or family members: If you are married and allow your in-laws to have any measure of control over your relationship, you are undoubtedly treading on paper-thin ice.

   You should not allow your wife's family to make decisions that directly affect your relationship. Everybody has an opinion, but it's the couple's opinions that matter most. Outside opinions or ideas shouldn't be used to influence your relationship bond.

8 Placing someone (anyone) or something before your mate.
This includes work, ministry, friends, relatives  co-workers, animals, your car, or your hobbies.

Granted, there will be times when you would like to hang with the boys, or occasions when you have extra work to do on some new project. But those things should never hold more meaning than your relationship. When a woman feels that someone or something is more important than she is, you may have problems getting her to respond to anything you have to say.

9. Always keep God in the center: Maintain your relationship with God and   faith in God, will also help to sustain you and your beloved wife through all the trials and tribulations of life

9. Listen and act: Learn to listen and act. She is telling you about something that happened to her at work, you wait till she is almost at the end of the story & look at her distractedly & say “I’m sorry, were you talking to me?” (Do this if you don’t want her to say a word to you for the rest of the night. Also don’t count on cuddling at bedtime either.)

10. Holding on to the past: You can never go forward looking at your rear view mirror.  That is why its in the past - let it go! Bringing up past mistakes, arguments or issues is not only childish, but will more than likely, produce a lapse in communication between the two of you. 

11. Checkup:   I would suggest doing a monthly review to assess relationship, finances, health, spiritual growth  and future goals. My husband and I do it! And I have to say to really jelps to keep us focused. Most couples barely take time to talk about how their marriage and other areas are going.

I hope this was enriching and we would all apply it in our relationships!
P.S Valentines day is around the corner so DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR MATE!xoxo


   

Note the wise saying; ‘Success in a relationship is more than finding the right person - it’s becoming the right person.’